Taxidermist Takes the Bait!

The taxidermist who I sent the "filling of wildlife" letter to under the pen name Flavien Rackinson has replied! Here's what he wrote:

(begin message)
Subject: Re: Possible Filling of Wildlife Baestaü Snouve-Che-Çestok
Date: May 28, 2005 3:57:20 PM EDT
From: (address edited)
To: flavienrackinson@gmail.com

Can you describe the animal..Is it a deer or hog or elk or snake or alligator? I can not quote a price until I know what type of animal it is.

Thanks

Don Jensen Taxidermist
(end message)

And, here's what Flavien Writes back!

(begin message)
From: flavienrackinson@gmail.com
Subject: Filling of Wildlife
Date: May 31, 2005 6:36:46 PM EDT
To: (address edited)

Dear Sir Jensen:

Much gratuity for your prompted reply. I would happy to inscribe the Baestaü Snouve-Che-Çestok to you, assumed you are not acquainted accordingly.

Although its appearing differs with multitude from breed to breed, the rest should be assured that you can relate this to similar phylae at Florida. To answer you question, this animal most resembles the hog. As a matter from fact, the Lithuanian "Baestaü Snouve-Che-Çestok" closely changes to "Small Caviidaean Peru-Hog". This animal is quite medium-rare to Lithuania, but is more regular in the Americas. To further eludicate, I have attaché this message a graphic of the particular Snouve-Che-Çestok that I prossess. The photo-gram was taken by my comrade while we have been stalking the animal amidst the foilage, shortly before it was obtained. I remorse for the poor graphic integrity, but it was very dark, and he used a telephono lens with luminosity amplitude.

If you have additional questionnaire or would like more infromation, do not hesitate to cor respond.

Yours Verified,
Flavien Rackinson
AARP & ACBA Certified Chief Facilitator of International Biological Affairs, Biological University of Lithuania
(end message)


Attached Photo

Note that I made several clues to the animal being a Guinea Pig (but didn't make it obvious). First, I said that it resembles a hog (even though guinea pigs don't, pig is a synonym for hog), and alluded to it being small and from Peru. Notice that in the fake translation, I used the latin genus "Caviidae", of which guinea pigs are a member. Lastly, the picture is my guinea pig Bob in the grass. I played with it in Photoshop to make it look like it was taken at night, with light amplification, and in a hurry. I'm going to continue to be vague as to the Snouve's true identity in future emails (unless he figures it out).

What will Don Jensen write back? We shall see in a few days.

Desk Lighting!

It may take a while to load, so sit tight for a minute.


Pretty.

I took a strand of rope light, and taped it along the tubular supports to my desk. Then, I ran it under the desktop above where the keyboard is, so the keyboard is well-lighted. I have way too much time.

"One of the highest Academic honors awarded to American High School students!"

The above line is the heading of a letter I received today. "Wow", I thought, maybe somebody actually appreciated the straight A's I pull down every day for no particular reason.

I was even surpriseder (that's not a word, is it) when I read that it was actually not for anything academic, but "You have been nominated for inclusion in the celebrated Who's Who Among American High School Students-Sports Edition®."


Image hosted by and without permission of whos-who.com.

I was confused... I had never done any high school sports... ever. I do more constructive things like posting to this wonderful blog. The only thing sports-related I have done in recent memory is a Saturday morning bowling league.

But I read on, and my name had been "personally endorsed by The U.S. Bowling Congress". I didn't even know that the "U.S. Bowling Congress" even existed. Surely this must be a mistake, but I was assured that "This means a great deal to sports honorees like Chris". Furthermore, my "name and achievements will be made known throughout the United States", and "Chris will automatically be eligible for the College Referral Service®". In addition, I will "qualify to compete for a portion of $10,000 in scholarship money". Wow! I get to "compete for a portion of" enough money to get the average student through a week and a half of college!

Finally, my "biography and sports achievements will be published in Who's Who Among American High School Students-Sports Edition, pending completion and review of the attached form."

Wow, my biography will be published in something! Surely there must be more catch, but I was abruptly contradicted when I read "Naturally, there are no fees whatsoever attached to this award". However, I was told to "reserve your copy now", which is part of filling out the form on the back of the letter.

I flip to the backside, and I was greeted with a Mastercard logo, along with lots of fine print. After reading it through several times, I found that one must pay $48.95 for a book (add $15 if you'd like a photo along with your "award") to qualify. So much "no fees whatsoever". I did some googling, and found that anybody can "qualify" for this award just by getting on some mailing lists.

I figures as much, because why would they "personally nominate" me for one of the "highest academic honors awarded to American High School students" when my average in bowling was 87 ?

The man who signed the letter identified himself as "Parke H. Davis: Chairman, National Academic Affairs". I did some googling; he lives in Texas, and here is his number.

(512) 440-2300

Be sure to call him up (remember, 6 in the morning is only 3:00 AM in Texas) and tell him what you think about his shitty "academic sports award" scam.

I caught a Baestau Snouve-Che-Çestok!

I googled for a reputable taxidermist, and found a Don Jensen (name edited, for obvious reasons) from Wisconsin. Pretending to be a foreign naturalist, I emailed him asking about a special request...

[begin message]
From: flavienrackinson@gmail.com
Subject: Possible Filling of Wildlife Baestaü Snouve-Che-Çestok
Date: May 18, 2005 9:13:10 PM EDT
To: (address edited)

Salutory Don Jensen,

My name is Flavien Rackinson, I am a Biologist-Botanist from Northern-West Lithuania, and I would like to enquire regards to your professionel taxidermal services. I were recommend to you by several good friend for your expertiseness and equality of working.

On a holidays hunting trip abroad, a comrade and I stalked a creature called an "Baestaü Snouve-Che-Çestok" in my home country of here-day Lithuania. There are no exact translation that i am aware, but it is a creature likeness to an American vertebrae. Not many profession in the US are familiar about the Snouve-Che-Çestok, but it is an truly beautiful animal without much questionnaire.

I venture if you want would mount our exquesite Baestaü Snouve-Che-Çestok in acting position, and consuming an appropriate background diorama model according to the habit in nature. Be consoled that the filling and the nailing of the Snouve-Che-Çestok must be practice with strong care, for delicacy is required. I hope to you accept my offering, for I would endorse to display the Snouve-Che-Çestok in my space of quarters. I would provide to pay up to £3600$ US currency if the mount be success, as only twleve Snouve has found in natural habit. Without questionnaire, addition more currency would provide if diorama is encluded.

Thankyou for read my an coorespond, and may make success be think for you.

Please Respond Without Deli,
Flavien Rackinson
Biologist-Botanist
[end message]

Only the name and email address have been edited; the message text is unedited. Let's see what Mr. Jensen writes back...

Email Prank?

I was reading some awesome pranks online, and I think it would be great if AFYP did some kind of email prank. Of course, we're keeping it legal. For some examples, read up on Shizzy's Mailbag.

I have created a surname (Flavien Rackinson) and email address (flavienrackinson@gmail.com) to use for our purposes.

Anyways, we need a good idea for one. Perhaps somebody with an odd profession (taxidermy, animal control, sanitation engineering (garbagemen), podiatrist, etc.), or possibly one of those non-profit organizations, maybe an animal-rights group or something. Write me or leave a comment with your undoubtedly brilliant ideas!

hogendaischt

A couple days ago, I was thinking about stuff while playing with magnets on my computer screen (warning: it's addictive, and I don't know how good it is for your screen), and I had an idea. What if somebody asked me how much stuff you... ahh CRAP. I'm gonna go back to playing with magnets.

An Observation

People are stupid.

As I got up this morning, it struck me just how naïve and stupid people can be. Sorry, but it was a pretty vague feeling and I'm having a difficult time elaborating on it. Probably 'cause the stress of the school year is beginning to get to me. This morning I was staring at the keyboard, and I could've sworn that the keys were breakdancing.

At any rate, there's only 20-odd classroom days left in the year, then finals week, then I'll be done with it for the summer. Oh, I'll be going to the Adirondacks for an Environmental Science Field Study up at the Cranberry Lake Biological Station one week in August.



This place is f***ing beautiful, and of course I'll post shots taken there. Ah well, adios for now...

Writing in Study Hall

I'm really bored and it's study hall so I am writing this entry. My mom
(who's a substitute teacher) is wandering around the floor, and she's
supposed to be making sure people aren't talking, smoking, breathing,
learning, etc. But she's too nice to yell at people. Anyways, I'm kind
of bored so I think I'll umm oh here she is better turn off the music
now... good she's gone thank God for the mute button. I love playing
music in study hall cause the librarians are so deaf and can't hear.
Anyways David is coming back now and he'll probably want to play with
my computer oh wait no, he's looking up words for his homework. Ha. I
rarely have homework. That's a good thing because if I did I probably
wouldn't do it. No my mom sucks she just sent Jamie and Brendon back to
study hall. I thought she was a good person. Qué una punta. Ha, I wore
my "numero uno" shirt to school today. It's cool. Now it's almost over
(the period) and I'm bored and I'm worried that my trackpad is screwing
up. Oh wait, it isn't now cause I just restarted. See y'all later.