"One of the highest Academic honors awarded to American High School students!"
The above line is the heading of a letter I received today. "Wow", I thought, maybe somebody actually appreciated the straight A's I pull down every day for no particular reason.
I was even surpriseder (that's not a word, is it) when I read that it was actually not for anything academic, but "You have been nominated for inclusion in the celebrated Who's Who Among American High School Students-Sports Edition®."
Image hosted by and without permission of whos-who.com.
I was confused... I had never done any high school sports... ever. I do more constructive things like posting to this wonderful blog. The only thing sports-related I have done in recent memory is a Saturday morning bowling league.
But I read on, and my name had been "personally endorsed by The U.S. Bowling Congress". I didn't even know that the "U.S. Bowling Congress" even existed. Surely this must be a mistake, but I was assured that "This means a great deal to sports honorees like Chris". Furthermore, my "name and achievements will be made known throughout the United States", and "Chris will automatically be eligible for the College Referral Service®". In addition, I will "qualify to compete for a portion of $10,000 in scholarship money". Wow! I get to "compete for a portion of" enough money to get the average student through a week and a half of college!
Finally, my "biography and sports achievements will be published in Who's Who Among American High School Students-Sports Edition, pending completion and review of the attached form."
Wow, my biography will be published in something! Surely there must be more catch, but I was abruptly contradicted when I read "Naturally, there are no fees whatsoever attached to this award". However, I was told to "reserve your copy now", which is part of filling out the form on the back of the letter.
I flip to the backside, and I was greeted with a Mastercard logo, along with lots of fine print. After reading it through several times, I found that one must pay $48.95 for a book (add $15 if you'd like a photo along with your "award") to qualify. So much "no fees whatsoever". I did some googling, and found that anybody can "qualify" for this award just by getting on some mailing lists.
I figures as much, because why would they "personally nominate" me for one of the "highest academic honors awarded to American High School students" when my average in bowling was 87 ?
The man who signed the letter identified himself as "Parke H. Davis: Chairman, National Academic Affairs". I did some googling; he lives in Texas, and here is his number.
(512) 440-2300
Be sure to call him up (remember, 6 in the morning is only 3:00 AM in Texas) and tell him what you think about his shitty "academic sports award" scam.
I was even surpriseder (that's not a word, is it) when I read that it was actually not for anything academic, but "You have been nominated for inclusion in the celebrated Who's Who Among American High School Students-Sports Edition®."
Image hosted by and without permission of whos-who.com.
I was confused... I had never done any high school sports... ever. I do more constructive things like posting to this wonderful blog. The only thing sports-related I have done in recent memory is a Saturday morning bowling league.
But I read on, and my name had been "personally endorsed by The U.S. Bowling Congress". I didn't even know that the "U.S. Bowling Congress" even existed. Surely this must be a mistake, but I was assured that "This means a great deal to sports honorees like Chris". Furthermore, my "name and achievements will be made known throughout the United States", and "Chris will automatically be eligible for the College Referral Service®". In addition, I will "qualify to compete for a portion of $10,000 in scholarship money". Wow! I get to "compete for a portion of" enough money to get the average student through a week and a half of college!
Finally, my "biography and sports achievements will be published in Who's Who Among American High School Students-Sports Edition, pending completion and review of the attached form."
Wow, my biography will be published in something! Surely there must be more catch, but I was abruptly contradicted when I read "Naturally, there are no fees whatsoever attached to this award". However, I was told to "reserve your copy now", which is part of filling out the form on the back of the letter.
I flip to the backside, and I was greeted with a Mastercard logo, along with lots of fine print. After reading it through several times, I found that one must pay $48.95 for a book (add $15 if you'd like a photo along with your "award") to qualify. So much "no fees whatsoever". I did some googling, and found that anybody can "qualify" for this award just by getting on some mailing lists.
I figures as much, because why would they "personally nominate" me for one of the "highest academic honors awarded to American High School students" when my average in bowling was 87 ?
The man who signed the letter identified himself as "Parke H. Davis: Chairman, National Academic Affairs". I did some googling; he lives in Texas, and here is his number.
Be sure to call him up (remember, 6 in the morning is only 3:00 AM in Texas) and tell him what you think about his shitty "academic sports award" scam.
posted by Chris at 7:17 PM
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