Kerry Mis-speech

An interesting comment, made by Kerry on the convention about 10 minutes ago:

"We will double our special forces to conduct terrorist operations."

Kerry corrected himself, with "counter-terrorist" operations. I don't think he meant it seriously, just an interesting mannerism. I still encourage y'all to vote Bush out of office this November.

Jimmy Carter: a True American Hero

Who saw Jimmy Carter on TV last night? I did. His speech was awesome, the way he kicked Bush's ass without even mentioning him, from his service in the Air National Guard to the war on Iraq, which Carter said was a "miscalculation". Jimmy Carter rules.

Throughout the recent months, I have remained somewhat neutral in this blog regarding the election, but now it's time I clearly state my views. Bush has besmirched America's global reputation, as stated by Carter. I have always been against the war on Iraq, and it to me is Bush's greatest blunder. That mistake has cost the nation it's dignity, and now we're comitted to get Iraq back on it's feet, which I think will prove more and more difficult as the interim government takes more control over the country's affairs. From his mediocre handling of September 11th, to the Patriot Act, which raped Americans of their civil rights, Bush has screwed the country with his administration.

If there is any hope for America, to regain its dignity from a global standpoint, Bush must be removed from office. Now Kerry is NOT perfect, mind you, and his stand on abortion could be improved, he is certainly better than Bush. I cannot vote for another 3 years and a half, but I encourage all you eighteenagers out there to vote for either Kerry or Nader (Nader kicks ass too).

More political advice soon to come...

Ithaca: A Documentary

First, I must take a moment to whine about Blogger's new composing interface, for it doesn't agree with Netscape. I am now forced to write using MSIE (yuck). Okay, now on to the topic at hand.




For those of you who don't know: Ithaca, NY is a somewhat scenic town, located at the South end of beautiful Cayuga Lake. I have been there several times this summer, so I have been given the opportunity to observe the local culture and their eating habits, social hierarchy, migration patterns, and mating rituals (just kidding). This is quite hefty for one entry, so I'm thinking of doing a 5-part mini series.

Ithaca is the bloggage topic of my choosing for many reasons, but mostly because of its eclecticness and anomalousness. In other words, it is a very strange place, one worthy of further scrutiny. Here's the first thing that caught my eye:



Yes folks, a Volvo. It is a fact that Ithaca has the highest Volvoes per capita of any City in the Country. Last time I went down there, I counted 57, in just 10 minutes. Why would the locals prefer to transit in such an unlikely vehicle? Nobody's sure last time I checked, but I think it has something to do with the color puce and several unlucky Sternoe stoves.

My trip to Ithaca today began by my mom dragging me to the local "Green Star" market, an obsure branch of Northeast Cooperatives. They don't have any normal food there, specializing in organic goods, homeopathic therapy (not THAT you sicko), and vegetarian products (they don't have any meat). They featured such products such as "organic tampons" (helps promote algae growth) and "organic insect repellant". I said to my sister "wow, organic insect repellant! You can pertend it works!". A feeble attempt a sarcasm, and yet an odd-looking lady looked at me as she passed by, saying "you must not shop here much". I felt relieved, having slightly offended my first Ithacan and still residing in one piece. I walked through the store, making vegetarian jokes (ask me sometime, I know dozens) and suspiciously eyeing everything. The customers all looked like hippies, slurping their organo-fiber-flake smoothies that they buy on their way in. I saw some kid try one, and he immediately wretched all over the floor in a vigorous and strenuous manner. I then headed to the john, and it was no ordinary bathroom. The dispensers were stocked with organic toilet paper (made from recycled toilet paper), organic sope, and sure enough, organic tampons (although I have no clue what they were doing in a men's bathroom). Even the grafitti on the stall walls was hippie, with phrases such as "save the earth" and "don't pollute" abundant. Not wanting to be leered at anymore by the gay cashiers, I hided among the bulk foods for the rest of the time. Only one good thing came out of that store: they had a jar of elderberries.



Now I finally know what my father smells like.

More in the next entry...

I'm Back

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, for I've been at camp (yay!). I'll be writing more in a couple days.

junk food is good for you

All junk food is good for you. Any food period.

Butter. People say too much isn't good for you, but I can prove otherwise.

Butter is a milk by-product. Milk comse form cowse. Cows eat grass. Grass is a plant and plants are vegetables. Therefore, one can conclude that butter is a vegetable.

I think I'll eat a pound or 2 for supper, to get my daily vegetables.

This doesn't just apply to greasy foods, however.

Let's take sweedish fish for example (I'm eating a bag right now).

The main ingredient on this here bag is sugar. Where does sugar come from? Sugar cane of course. Sugar cane is a plant. And plants are vegetables. Ha.

Eating sweedish fish is like eating vegetables.

My life just got a whole lot easier.

Junk Mail Solution

Tired of Junk Mail? So am I. I have to waste time with it, which means less time with my piggie.


Fig. 1

It tends to attack in swarms, inundating your mail box with paper goods.


Fig. 2

There is a solution.

This is based on the fact that businesses who send you junk mail want you to order or subscribe to something. In 90% of junk mail, there is a return envelope to provide for this.


Fig. 3

You can easily identify the envelope by its label, "business reply mail". The address has been blurred to protect the criminal's identity, but that's not the important part. So, they give you an envelope to send in whatever they want you to send stuff in. Now, read the fine print.


Fig. 4

Notice what's at the bottom: "postage will be paid by addressee". That means that you don't need a stamp to mail that envelope. Instead, the person you're sending it to (or the company) will foot the postage when they get it. Most businesses don't mind that at all, after all its only a few cents. The idea is that you stick your money and some kind of order form in the envelope and mail it off, and the postage is paid by the company.

I think you can see where I'm going.

Now, this is the tricky part, so pay attention.

Step 1: Gather up contents of junk mail, less business reply envelope.

Step 2: Insert junk mail into business reply envelope.

Step 3: Seal envelope and insert in mailbox.

Essentially, the offending company is PAYING to have THEIR junk mail SENT BACK to them. Feel free to write something witty on the envelope such as "no thanks" or "go away".

But wait, there's More!

You're not limited to what they sent you in the first place. That's right, folks, why not send along in the envelpoe some other companies' junk mail, too? After all, they have to pay postage, no matter what you stick in there. The beauty of the idea is, postage rates increase with the weight and size of the letter. After the first ounce, they pay an extra 23 cents per ounce. Why not send a 10-ounce letter? They're out $2.44. Actually, you can affix the front of the envelope to anything, even a package, and they still have to pay postage. Why not tape it to a brick? For a 5-pounder, they'll pay up to $12.15, depending on where they live.


This will send a strong message regarding junk mail. As always, be creative, and have fun!

Bob

Bob is my new guinea pig!



I got him yesterday at the pet stoer. Isn't he super cool?